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When Self-Help Self-Hurts

The Urge for Self-Betterment and the Role of Mindfulness

In the realm of personal growth, there's an innate desire that drives us towards self-improvement. It's not merely "self-care" but something deeper, a yearning that's hard to put into words. Let's call it the "urge for self-betterment."


Many of us have, at some point, made lists or set intentions about the kind of person we want to become. These lists might include attributes like being happier, more compassionate, or more expressive. 


Revisiting such lists can evoke a myriad of emotions, from nostalgia to grief, especially when we realize that the journey towards these goals is still ongoing.


This grief, or the weariness of the struggle, is a testament to the weight of our aspirations. But it's essential to recognize that the very act of setting these goals stems from a place of self-love. The part of us that yearns for a better life - that wants to grow and be happier - is a testament to our inner strength and love for ourselves.


Buddhist teachings often advise us to relinquish our desires, to live in the moment, and to accept our feelings without attachment. This acceptance is where mindfulness practices come into play. Mindfulness teaches us to observe our emotions without judgment, allowing us to understand and process them better.


Consider this mindfulness exercise:

  • Take a moment to reflect on your aspirations, saying to yourself, "I want to be happier. I want to grow."

  • Notice any emotions that arise. Give yourself the space to feel them without judgment.

  • Think about the efforts you've made towards self-improvement. Visualize these efforts as tangible items, like books on a shelf or files on a computer.

  • Now, think about the part of you that has been curating these efforts. Feel the emotions from the perspective of this nurturing part of you.

The beauty of mindfulness is its adaptability. It allows us to explore our emotions without being prescriptive. It provides a framework where we can delve deep into our feelings, understand them, and then use that understanding to guide our future actions.


In the journey of self-betterment, it's crucial to remember that the path is as important as the destination. The very act of striving, of wanting to grow, is a testament to our resilience and love for ourselves. And as we navigate this journey, tools like mindfulness and meditation apps like Heartful can be invaluable companions, guiding us towards understanding, acceptance, and ultimately, growth.

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